TOP 10 THINGS THAT SUCK ABOUT HAVING HEARING AIDS

 

10.  They are fucking EXPENSIVE!

 

9.   The batteries die at inconvenient moments and you are screwed if you don’t have a back-up.

 

8.   The tiny batteries will also kill the baby if he swallows it, so be careful!

 

7.   The baby will also try very hard to pull them out of your head.

 

6.   Can’t lie down on your side while you are wearing them or the weight of your head will crush them.

 

5.   Can’t wear them in the rain or else they will fry, therefore you either have to take them off before going out into the weather or you have to get a funky plastic head scarf.

 

scarf2

 

4.   Your own voice is too loud in your own head and sounds like the adults voices in a Charlie Brown cartoon.

 

3.   Conversational hearing is only minimally improved but the sound of a car backfiring will be more like an A-bomb.

 

2.   Multiple loud sounds happening at once will set you on edge make you want to kill something.

 

1.   You will have a whole new, unpleasant relationship with your earwax.

 

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6 Comments on “TOP 10 THINGS THAT SUCK ABOUT HAVING HEARING AIDS”

  1. Kristen Says:

    Darren (who’s worn them pretty much his whole life) agrees with everything you said (but he just takes them out instead of wearing a funky hat).

    Also:
    It sucks when your dominant hearing ear is also on the same side of your body as your dominant hand. If you have to write notes while on the phone, you have to make strange body contortions.

  2. hambox Says:

    Can I ask questions? Disregard if I can’t. But I have curiosity.

    Have you fried one in the rain? What does it sound like? Is there shock possibility?

    What do they feel like, does it feel like iPod earbuds?

    What does music sound like now? Can you hear stereo? Can you wear earphones on top of them or is that the stupidest thing I’ve ever asked?

    I might have more, but I’ll stop now. I’m CURIOUS!!

  3. Desirée Says:

    What Darren said.

  4. Cloudy Says:

    Well, Hambox, thank you for your interesting questions. I am not sure exactly what happens when they get rained on, other than just stop working, but I had a dream that I forgot to take them out before going swimming & they started to smoke, spark and eventually burst into flames.

    Yes, they feel a bit like iPod earplugs, but more like I am walking around with my fingers in my ears all day.

    If I am lisiting to music in the car, one hearing aid is focused on the song, while the other is frustratingly focused on the traffic noise. I supposed I can wear the 70’s kind of headphones that cover your whole ear, but I have a device that loops over my ears sitting next to each hearing aid and plugs into the iPod or telephone. I have to turn the hearing aids off essentially to a telephone switch, so I can hear the phone or iPod, but nothing else.

  5. Saima Says:

    I wish they would come up with a ear surgery that could repair your hearing even if it’s a nerve issue. They have lasex now for eyes. Why is fixing ears such a hard one? I feel like audiology is a substitute profession that I can’t 100$% stand behind. Hearing aids are a problem itself, not necessarily a solution to a problem although it’s better than nothing. At least make them waterproof so you can go swimming with them.


  6. As far as I’m concerned so called “hearing aids” are the lousiest pieces of junk ever invented. For spending thousands of dollars you get so little benefit. Natural hearing, even at a partial loss, is thousands of times better if not millions of times better than what artificial devices can do for you. All they are good for is to put you in the poorhouse and make your life miserable on the way. Money would be better spent on Cracker Jack, something much less expensive, far more enjoyable, and containing a prize inside of better quality!


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