Archive for November 2008

CLOUDY

November 30, 2008

In honor of posting every single damn day this month, I went to Wordle to have a word cloud made of the words I used the most over the last 30 days. I am not surprised to see I overuse the word amazing, but I am shocked to see Awesome missing entirely. Please click to see the cloud in all its glory:

I am thrilled November is over, why do I feel like barfing?

My song will sit in the pupils of your eyes, and will carry your sight into the heart of things.

November 29, 2008

When I start to get frustrated with Sasha, I have to remember what he did for me and what he is going through.  This is also the story of how Thanksgiving will never be the same for us.

 

Last year, the day before Thanksgiving, Sasha’s Dad, Henry, had a massive stroke.  He lives in Wisconsin, so we were only getting information bits at a time via phone calls with different members of the family.  Our baby Finn was barely two months old and really only slightly past his original due date.  We continued with our plans for Thanksgiving dinner.  We got some good news, Henry was conscious and able to lift his hand, but could not yet move his fingers.  We were trying to figure out when Sasha should head home to Wisconsin to be with his family.  It was a difficult decision, because Sasha wanted Finn & I to go with him, but since we had no idea what was happening, it was impossible to think about uprooting this tiny little infant and bringing him to unknown territory where we did not even know what to pack for him or how long we would be away.  On that Friday Henry took a turn for the worse, his brain was swelling, he was in a coma, it did not look good.  It was decided that Sasha would go on his own, so he left the next day.  Henry died 10 minute before Sasha got to the hospital.  He was only 66 years old.

 

The funeral was planned for one week later.  Finn & I needed to be there.  As much as I did not want to travel with a newborn, I knew it was important for Henry’s grandchild to be present.  Finn would be a healing salve to the mourning family, especially to Sasha’s mother who was going through hell (Sasha’s mother, Jerre, had shattered her leg in a freak accident only weeks before and her own mother had also just died.  In fact, Henry died on the same day as Jerre’s Mother’s funeral). 

 

I was terrified.  I have very little practice with babies and traveling with one by myself was a really frightening idea. As much as I wish I was strong enough and up to the challenge, it was just too much.  That is when Sasha did the unthinkable.  Nursing his own broken heart, he left his grieving family, flew all the way back to Seattle and came and got us.  I will never forget that selfless gesture and how much love he showed for us.  We did the best we could to pack what we though Finn would need.  We bought him a tiny baby snow suit, packed up bottles of breast milk and off we went.  The day we arrived, there was a big snow storm and about a foot of snow fell.  We had a bon fire for Henry and the snow and fire mixed with all the human emotion and family love was one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed.

 

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Ghetto Frida

November 28, 2008

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THE CURVE IN A SPIRAL

November 27, 2008

My thanksgiving focus this year is on my second cousin, Sarah.  Of course I love and am thankful for all of my family and friends, but I just want to put the spotlight on Sarah for a moment.

 

She is 16 years my junior, but I think of her more as my peer than my young relative from another generation.  Out of every person in my whole family, I think she is the most like me.  We both lean toward the arts, with the exception that she has amazing talent.  She is my favorite artist with her own extraordinary style; I am positive you will know her name someday.

 

I did not know much about her until I received an email out of the blue one day when she was about 12 years old.  She had heard stories about me and wanted to reach out to her distant family as we lived across the country from one another.  We had an instant connection despite the age difference.  She had a blog before I even knew what one was.  Over the years I think I have learned more from her than the other way around.  She has a lovely connection to nature and an insight into the human heart far beyond anyone else I have ever met.  I do not get to see her very often, but the Internet keeps us up-to-date with each other’s lives and I am grateful for that.  The last time she visited we took a trip to BC and I got my very first speeding ticket.  A news channel was doing a special report on speeders in a certain area and they put footage of us on the evening news.  When Sarah saw the news special with her smiling face beaming at the camera, she literally fell on the floor laughing with the most infectious, unbridled joy.  It just feels good to be in her remarkable presence.   

 

More than my cousin, she is my friend.

 

I did not ask permission, so hopefully she will not sue me, but here are a few examples of her amazing artistry:

 

 spiralunwindingfamilytrees1

spiralunwindingjacksonpublic

 

I love you, Sarah! 

TOP 10 THINGS THAT SUCK ABOUT HAVING HEARING AIDS

November 26, 2008

 

10.  They are fucking EXPENSIVE!

 

9.   The batteries die at inconvenient moments and you are screwed if you don’t have a back-up.

 

8.   The tiny batteries will also kill the baby if he swallows it, so be careful!

 

7.   The baby will also try very hard to pull them out of your head.

 

6.   Can’t lie down on your side while you are wearing them or the weight of your head will crush them.

 

5.   Can’t wear them in the rain or else they will fry, therefore you either have to take them off before going out into the weather or you have to get a funky plastic head scarf.

 

scarf2

 

4.   Your own voice is too loud in your own head and sounds like the adults voices in a Charlie Brown cartoon.

 

3.   Conversational hearing is only minimally improved but the sound of a car backfiring will be more like an A-bomb.

 

2.   Multiple loud sounds happening at once will set you on edge make you want to kill something.

 

1.   You will have a whole new, unpleasant relationship with your earwax.

 

ALL OF THE ABOVE

November 25, 2008

Rearranging my sock drawer?

A good snack tip?

My bad luck?

The best thing I ever bought?

My history with Porn?

Other: ALL OF THE ABOVE

 

 

Well, I did a poll about what I should write about, and by an overwhelming margin My History with Porn won the vote, so that is in fact what I wrote about. Maybe people were expecting something else, because aside from my two home girls and my cousin, no one else has had much to say about the post.  I was not actually kidding about the other topics, so since I did get a vote for OTHER: ALL OF THE ABOVE, I think I will expound upon the other topic choices.

 

In the interest of keeping my life as simple as possible, I only buy black socks.  This is supposed to make it easy to just grab a pair fresh from the wash, because each sock is the same color, so I do not have to go searching for two socks that match.  This is good in theory, but since I rarely bought the same brand twice, there was a myriad of shapes, sizes and textures.  I basically had a drawer full of non-matching black socks, and it was starting to make me crazy.  I decided to throw out all of my old socks and start over with a 12 pack that all looked exactly the same.  I did not plan on getting hung up on socks that somehow held sentimental meaning.  A special gift from a friend, the pair my friend lent me when I was in the hospital for a week with no pedicure, the pair I got the day my son was born and a few pair that were my mother’s that I cannot possible throw away.  Oh My God, I am a horrible sap.

 

Edamame is the perfect snack; a tasty source of good protein that qualify as a vegetable serving. I already knew this in the context of home, but now I figured out I can easily have them at work, too.  Costco sells a giant box of about 12 pre-portioned packs of the soy beans that you can just throw in the microwave for a minute and viola!  I used to coat them with a healthy dose of sea salt, but in an experiment I learned they are still delicious without added sodium!  Dang, I wish I had some right now.

 

Along with the rest of my immediate family members, I have very poor luck.  We think that my paternal grandfather may have been cursed and the curse was passed down to his descendants.  He participated in hundreds of professional séances, so it is possible.  My bad luck shows itself in run-of-the-mill Murphy’s Law ways like always being in the slow line, but constantly having things go wrong is a very frustrating and daily occurrence.  I started typing a list, but it makes me look like more of a dumb ass than someone with a bad luck curse, but I swear no matter how much pre-planning I do, 9 times out of 10, something will go awry.

 

The best thing I ever bought was my Christmas present to myself last year: a Canon color photo printer with scanner.  My friend Aimee had one and used it to send out her holiday photo card and I was amazed at the professional quality.  It took me a long time to switch from a regular film camera to digital, because the problem of transferring your digital photo to a hard copy.  Sure, it is easy as pie to just send the digital version to Snapfish or another company to print and mail to you for a nominal fee, or send them directly to a drug store photo developer and pick them up, but I just never did this, so my photos would remain suspended in air.  Now, I can take a picture of a family member holding my son and have it blown up, printed and framed for them within minutes.  My thank you notes are now always accompanied by a photo of the gift item in use.  I took photos at a friend’s wedding and had choice ones framed for them before they left on their honeymoon. I can scan in old family photos and print out special copies for everyone in different sizes.  A year later it is still my favorite material item.  It also saves the embarrassment of having your naked photos printed by a stranger.

BY POPULAR DEMAND, MY HISTORY WITH PORN

November 24, 2008

When I was about 9 or 10 years old, I decided to rifle through my parent’s bedroom.  I looked in their closet and all their drawers just to see what kinds of things they kept hidden away.  In the very bottom drawer of my Dad’s dresser, inside a manila envelop was a high gloss magazine with two naked women on the cover called LEZBOS.  I was shocked.  I had a vague awareness of what sex was as told to me by the book “Joy of Sex” that I sneaked looks at when my folks were not looking, but I had no concept of two women getting it on.

 

Years later I did the same kind of rifling through drawers, but this time it was through my brother’s things.  His room was in the attic and was a treasure trove of smut.  I liked looking at his Playboy magazines, although some of the pages were sticky.  Gross!

 

Most houses in California do not have a cellar, but the house I grew up in did.  The only way to access the very small cement room beneath the house was through a very tiny door in the back yard.  My Dad discouraged us kids from going in there, but a tiny door is a draw for any child.  I would sneak in there from time to time and play fort, sometimes bringing in the neighborhood kids to play.  There were all kinds of stuff stored down there and it was fun to search through boxes looking for treasure.  One day I discovered pay dirt.  Reels of Super 8 film with tiny naked people!  I would look at the reels by holding them up to the light when I was younger, but when I got older I got an idea to break out the film camera and screen these old 70’s porn reels to my friends.  I just remember one that was filmed in black and white with a naked man and woman going at it.  Suddenly the man’s wife comes home, so the naked lady hides.  The naked man gets his wife to get naked and then the other lady pops out of hiding for a sudden Threesome!  This was very titillating stuff for a 15 year old & her little friends. There was a small problem with the old reels snapping and breaking in the middle, but a little scotch tape paved the way for my first foray into film editing.

 

My next venture into pornography was when an ex-boyfriend sent me some video tapes of Porno’s he recorded from his brother’s stash.  There was some good stuff, including some movies with Traci Lords and Ginger Lynn.  There was one scene that was very distracting because Tracy was missing one of her Lee Press on Nails.  It completely took me out of the scene because I was so worried about where or in whom the fingernail went.  I had my favorite scenes and would queue it up for next time.  I accidentally left the tape in the VCR and my roommate recorded over it with a Simpson’s episode.  I am still upset about that.  Later when I lived alone, I had a friend of mine cat sit while I was on vacation.  Months later we were at a party together and in front of a large group of people, my friend said very loudly: “I watched your Porn while I was babysitting your cat”. 

 

The Internet is a brilliant invention.  The amount of free porn is astounding and makes it all just a little too easy, until the day I downloaded a XXX virus that fried my motherboard!