BY POPULAR DEMAND, MY HISTORY WITH PORN

When I was about 9 or 10 years old, I decided to rifle through my parent’s bedroom.  I looked in their closet and all their drawers just to see what kinds of things they kept hidden away.  In the very bottom drawer of my Dad’s dresser, inside a manila envelop was a high gloss magazine with two naked women on the cover called LEZBOS.  I was shocked.  I had a vague awareness of what sex was as told to me by the book “Joy of Sex” that I sneaked looks at when my folks were not looking, but I had no concept of two women getting it on.

 

Years later I did the same kind of rifling through drawers, but this time it was through my brother’s things.  His room was in the attic and was a treasure trove of smut.  I liked looking at his Playboy magazines, although some of the pages were sticky.  Gross!

 

Most houses in California do not have a cellar, but the house I grew up in did.  The only way to access the very small cement room beneath the house was through a very tiny door in the back yard.  My Dad discouraged us kids from going in there, but a tiny door is a draw for any child.  I would sneak in there from time to time and play fort, sometimes bringing in the neighborhood kids to play.  There were all kinds of stuff stored down there and it was fun to search through boxes looking for treasure.  One day I discovered pay dirt.  Reels of Super 8 film with tiny naked people!  I would look at the reels by holding them up to the light when I was younger, but when I got older I got an idea to break out the film camera and screen these old 70’s porn reels to my friends.  I just remember one that was filmed in black and white with a naked man and woman going at it.  Suddenly the man’s wife comes home, so the naked lady hides.  The naked man gets his wife to get naked and then the other lady pops out of hiding for a sudden Threesome!  This was very titillating stuff for a 15 year old & her little friends. There was a small problem with the old reels snapping and breaking in the middle, but a little scotch tape paved the way for my first foray into film editing.

 

My next venture into pornography was when an ex-boyfriend sent me some video tapes of Porno’s he recorded from his brother’s stash.  There was some good stuff, including some movies with Traci Lords and Ginger Lynn.  There was one scene that was very distracting because Tracy was missing one of her Lee Press on Nails.  It completely took me out of the scene because I was so worried about where or in whom the fingernail went.  I had my favorite scenes and would queue it up for next time.  I accidentally left the tape in the VCR and my roommate recorded over it with a Simpson’s episode.  I am still upset about that.  Later when I lived alone, I had a friend of mine cat sit while I was on vacation.  Months later we were at a party together and in front of a large group of people, my friend said very loudly: “I watched your Porn while I was babysitting your cat”. 

 

The Internet is a brilliant invention.  The amount of free porn is astounding and makes it all just a little too easy, until the day I downloaded a XXX virus that fried my motherboard!

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6 Comments on “BY POPULAR DEMAND, MY HISTORY WITH PORN”

  1. Becky Says:

    Nicely nicely done. The best post ever?!

    My preoccupied parents had no borders when I was a youngun so at a (way way too) young age I witnessed Joy of Sex, Playboy and (most disturbingly) Zap Comix. Took me a while to sort all that out in my brain area.

  2. Kevin Says:

    Hmmm. And to think I was pretty much stuck with the Macy’s catalog (underwear section) til I went to college.

  3. madwag Says:

    I was also a snoop ….. porn was the best thing to find…. even my mum had porn… my aunts was the best… she had toys and porn…. one of my uncles had really funky condoms and really raunchy porn…. my dad always hid his porn in his shed and his truck….

  4. Miss Hiss Says:

    I have no idea how I missed this entry yesterday, but I’ll be wheezing with laughter over it all week. Too, too wonderful! Love, R xxx

  5. LJ Says:

    I too was a adventurous young child. However, my foray into my parents cupboards left a disgusting imprint on my brain which I cannot erase. If only I found a glossy magazine … my eye popping, thrill seeking find was a damp condom with a rooster’s head. And I’m pretty sure I didn’t know what it was, but did know that it wasn’t meant to be found by little people. Dad’s porno supply was always easy to find – between the bed mattresses.

  6. cardiogirl Says:

    I love that you noticed the detail of the missing Lee Press on Nails and could only focus on that fact.

    That would totally distract me and I’m sure I would hit rewind a million times looking for the moment the nail fell off and then trying to locate it in the movie like an X-rated version of “Where’s Waldo.”


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